broken

today was extremely tiring. i went to school like normal feeling a teeny weeeny bit happy cos it was the last days of the exams. i met Fadil and asked him why he didn't go for tuition yesterday *coughambilberatcough*

exam-ed like normal, BM was unsatisfying as usual and Science was equally as not good. during recess, i hung out at the Koperasi cos Fadil is usually there (:
mino was there too. me and mino are now just friends. just friends.

i was supposed to stay at school initially but then Nisha and the rest left me alone at school and went to Hafidzah's place instead. i was all alone x(
so i decided to just come home since i had 2 hours before the project started. so i managed to get home, eat, bathe, and use the computer all in 2 hours before going back to school.

that's when it all happened. Najwa being the sluttish lazy girl she was, she asked Aizat (if anyone of you remember what a big person he is in my life, i congratulate you :D) to help her with her project. i mean our kerja kayu. so he willingly helped her and i thought it was out of the kindness he showered me with before.

but later, when everyone went home, he sms-ed me and said, "denise, i like najwa. can u please tell her that". i was damn shocked. i gave him a call when Nisha was with me. we both told him how that was a bad idea and that Najwa already had a bf. which was true, of course. she really liked her bf and everyone knew that.
so Nisha told Najwa and Najwa started crying =='

Najwa is first on the left. Nisha is the first from the right. Hafidzah in the middle. i don't know why they look so fugly x)

then there's me. looking and feeling so lame.

i was damn emo at that time.
i thought of all the lies he told me..
the time he told me he would never like another girl forever.
he swore. he swore he would never love another girl.
that's why i let him go.
i never took his word for it, for it was impossible to keep that vow.
but i just never knew.
of all people. NAJWA.
i loved him so dearly and he never returned it. he only showered me with compliments and hopes. empty, meaningless hopes.
i never knew what it was he really wanted from me.
he lied to me. he said he will never love another girl.
and there he was, telling me to my face, that he was never this serious about a girl.
HOW COULD HE!
i cried just a little.
i cried even more at the thought that Fadil may be liking some other girl.
am i just another girl in his life?
i never have luck in relationships.
im just never satisfied.


do you know how hurtful it is to be lied to?, especially when u believed in that someone. it just hurts. and im broken. just so pitifully broken.

& the funny thing about believing is the believe in it.