Hey hi hello,
I know I promised a post on the first thing on my goal list, which is about the perpetual post-Hurricane Denise state that my room is in. But some things had happened over the weekend that sparked a train of thought when I was on my way to work this morning. Somehow, the deepest kind of thoughts occur to you when your physical body is in motion and action while your mind is left to wander.
I had a conversation with Hillary on the train about our jobs and I asked her if she would rather earn more money (because you need it) or have a salary worth peanuts but gain more experience. I asked because I was considering switching to a full-time status in Starbucks after my internship, as opposed to applying for another one in a different company for more experience.
When we parted ways and I had my daily routine of walking from KLCC to Pavilion, I asked myself what I really wanted. I know it seems so cliche and perhaps even boring, but if you were serious with yourself and honestly considered the question - I don't think many can answer. I faced an illusional barrier - I could feel that my thoughts wanted to dig deeper and answer such a simple question but I just couldn't break through it.
I mean, I know what I want in a bigger picture sense. I long to step foot in the United States as a university student, I crave a healthier wallet and body, I pray for the day I meet my boyfriend again - but what about the details in the fabric? How about the near(er) future and right now? Why can't I just be happy with the way things are now and live in the present? Why worry about things that are out of your control? Am I even making sense?
So many questions and I can only think of one answer. Hedonic adaptation. For those who are unfamiliar with the theory - in layman terms - humans simply are never happy enough. It has been described as running on a treadmill, we have to keep running, keep pursuing just to stay in the same state of happiness while never moving forward. It's a saddening realization, but I feel like it's the truth.
To be completely honest, I don't know exactly where this post is going. I initially wanted to have answers and a solution to tie the loose ends, but I just don't. I'm sorry it turned into a rant (goodbye, professional blogging career) and perhaps even wasted both my time (and yours).
I still have a lot of thinking and figuring out to do. I don't even know if I want a high paying job but no relevance to my future or vice versa. I'm facing so many reasons to say "I give up on long distance" but something bigger than my own understanding is urging me not to let go - and telling me that I can't face the consequences of losing my boyfriend. I don't know why I want to be healthy, run a marathon and look physically good - yet can't get started on anything that will lead to it. I fill up all my spare time with work - but why?
I'm going to end my little rant here. I'm truly sorry that I didn't get to make it an inspirational, mind-blowing entry that will give you the answer to life but I'm afraid I haven't got my own mess sorted out. Maybe you should ask yourself what you want in your own life and when you finally have the enlightenment - please share it with me.
Till the next post.
Au revoir.
I had a conversation with Hillary on the train about our jobs and I asked her if she would rather earn more money (because you need it) or have a salary worth peanuts but gain more experience. I asked because I was considering switching to a full-time status in Starbucks after my internship, as opposed to applying for another one in a different company for more experience.
When we parted ways and I had my daily routine of walking from KLCC to Pavilion, I asked myself what I really wanted. I know it seems so cliche and perhaps even boring, but if you were serious with yourself and honestly considered the question - I don't think many can answer. I faced an illusional barrier - I could feel that my thoughts wanted to dig deeper and answer such a simple question but I just couldn't break through it.
I mean, I know what I want in a bigger picture sense. I long to step foot in the United States as a university student, I crave a healthier wallet and body, I pray for the day I meet my boyfriend again - but what about the details in the fabric? How about the near(er) future and right now? Why can't I just be happy with the way things are now and live in the present? Why worry about things that are out of your control? Am I even making sense?
So many questions and I can only think of one answer. Hedonic adaptation. For those who are unfamiliar with the theory - in layman terms - humans simply are never happy enough. It has been described as running on a treadmill, we have to keep running, keep pursuing just to stay in the same state of happiness while never moving forward. It's a saddening realization, but I feel like it's the truth.
To be completely honest, I don't know exactly where this post is going. I initially wanted to have answers and a solution to tie the loose ends, but I just don't. I'm sorry it turned into a rant (goodbye, professional blogging career) and perhaps even wasted both my time (and yours).
I still have a lot of thinking and figuring out to do. I don't even know if I want a high paying job but no relevance to my future or vice versa. I'm facing so many reasons to say "I give up on long distance" but something bigger than my own understanding is urging me not to let go - and telling me that I can't face the consequences of losing my boyfriend. I don't know why I want to be healthy, run a marathon and look physically good - yet can't get started on anything that will lead to it. I fill up all my spare time with work - but why?
I'm going to end my little rant here. I'm truly sorry that I didn't get to make it an inspirational, mind-blowing entry that will give you the answer to life but I'm afraid I haven't got my own mess sorted out. Maybe you should ask yourself what you want in your own life and when you finally have the enlightenment - please share it with me.
Till the next post.
Au revoir.
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